In the Terms of Endearment
by Amber Moon
Summary: Angst. Kikyo finally confronts Inuyasha. Song fic.


Author: Raspberry Goddez  
  
Title: In the Terms of Endearment  
  
Notes: I was just listening to this song tonight and just decided this would be the best damned song for either Inuyasha and Kikyo or  
  
Inuyasha and Kagome, and I love the last pairing so much that I couldn't bear to write another sad one about them (reference to  
  
Hold On) and I dun think Lazchan would appreciate another sad one...I'll wait for another time. So the first pairing is definitely suitable for this song. On with the show!  
  
Disclaimers: Sarah McLachlan's song "Path of Thorns (Terms of Endearment) doesn't belong to me, nor does Inuyasha and the rest...*sighs* what a sad world I live in...  
  
Ratings: PG (-13ish) for language, warnings, don't read if you like Kikyo and Inuyasha together...somewhat angsty here...hrm...I'm good at angst stuff...ne?  
  
In the Terms of Endearment  
  
I hate him so much sometimes...I just wish to send this arrow straight into his heart like I did over 50 years ago. My whole being is filled with this intense hatred for him but I love him. For all the hurt and pain he's caused me...I still love him with all my...I can't really call it a heart, can I? I just know that I love him and he'll probably never come back to me and he'll never realize my love and devotion for him. And my hatred and pain.  
  
//In your voice there was something wrong. But if you would turn your face away from me, you cannot tell me you're so strong//  
  
He stood in the field with his back to me. I can sense his uneasiness around me and that cuts me to the core. I can't stand that he doesn't love me anymore. But was it really love to begin with? What exactly did we have all those years ago? I don't know...these days I always doubt myself, do I love him? Do I hate him? Do I want to take him back to Hell with me or should I leave him here with that miserable wench that's supposedly my soul's reincarnation?  
  
//I've had more than myself to blame//  
  
He says he loves her, more than he ever did with me but for some reason... No, it's can't be. There can't be doubt in his voice, can there? Regret? I am doubting myself again...I hate not knowing what he thinks anymore. We used to be so close before we killed each other. Before that stupid wench came back and took him away from me, mislead him from his heart's true desire, Me.  
  
//But I stuck by you holding on with my foolish pride, waiting for you to give in...//  
  
"Kikyo...I don't love you. Not anymore at least. You should be resting peacefully in the earth right now, where you belong.  
  
Please...don't come here and bother me anymore, I've moved on, I think you should consider doing the same." Every word he has just spoken cuts through me like a dull knife. Each word ripping away at my "heart" piece by piece. I resist the urge to throw my body at his feet and plead for forgiveness, for reassurance, for his love that I thought I once had. I also resist the other urge to lunge at him, throwing my makeshift body at him and tearing his eyes out.  
  
//Just let me ask of you one small thing as we have shared so many tears//  
  
"Inuyasha...I...I thought that you loved me? I thought you were willing to turn human for me?" Oh gods...my voice is rising higher at each word, giving away my pain that I'm trying to conceal from him. But I'm gratified to see him wince in shame.  
  
"Yes, I was willing to do that but...you're not alive anymore Kikyo. You're merely earth shaped together as your old form. Don't make this any harder than it has to be Kikyo…please understand."  
  
//In the terms of endearment, In the terms of the life that you love, In the terms of the years that pass you by, In the terms of the reasons why//  
  
"Then look at me dammit! Look at me and tell me that! Tell me that you don't love me and that you love Her! That wench that follows you everywhere that you go! That piece of flesh that is willing to give anything, that shameless slut, who doesn't believe in preserving herself, that Bitch that stole you away from me! Dammit! Look at me  
  
Inuyasha!" His named uttered in a heart-wrenching sob.  
  
He slowly turned around and looked me square in the face. His golden eyes angry and sad with...regret? No, it couldn't be. He just said that he doesn't love me anymore, that he loves Her, not me, right? Then why was he looking at me like that? I don't understand. I haven't understood many things of late. "I don't love you Kikyo. Goodbye." and with that, he began to walk away from me, leaving me behind in my misery. I couldn't let him do that to me, there was no way in Hell he was going to leave me again.  
  
//I've had enough of trying everything and this time it is the end...//  
  
I swiftly knocked my arrow into place on my bow and let it loose, flying straight to his heart, hoping that he would feel the same pain that I was currently feeling. I watched with satisfaction as the arrow swiftly drew nearer to his back, ready to pierce his heart at any moment. But he fooled me, he turned before I could bat an eyelid and he grabbed the arrow in midair. I let loose another arrow and he avoided that one as well. I don't understand. He used to be so slow, what happened?  
  
//Funny, how it seems that all I've tried to do seemed to make no difference to you at all.//  
  
"Kikyo! Don't do this! I don't wish to kill you but I will if I have to!" He cried out angrily, ready to charge me if I shot at him again.  
  
//Waiting for you to give in...//  
  
That's what I wanted...I didn't want to "live" as I was anymore. I lifted my last arrow at him, aiming for that heart of his and I smiled, a look, I know, of pure abhorrence, tasting the acidity in my mouth, bile rising in my throat. And I let it loose and he was quick but not quick enough, it grazed his arm and he came after me howling in pain and outrage.  
  
He lunged into the air and before I could move he tore at my fake body. His claws of steel slashing through my body made of earth and for a moment, I believed that since I wasn't real, I wouldn't feel pain, but I did. Every part of me burned in pain and I cried out weakly, clutching at my side where he had torn away at my makeshift body.  
  
//The path is overgrown and strewn with thorns. They've torn the life- blood from your naked eyes, cast aside to be forlorn...//  
  
My life slowly bleeding out of me, I looked up at him and smiled wanly. My lips were dry and worked to form the words I needed to tell him before I slipped off, forever this time. "Thank you." I croaked.  
  
He looked at me, a look filled with remorse and sadness and longing. He gathered my broken body in his arms and I saw tears trail down his cheeks, creating a look of pure innocence. As the darkness began to edge around me and cut off my life, I felt lips cover mine, filled with regret and sadness and most of all self hatred. Before I left this miserable life, I heard a soft "I love you" muttered into the overwhelming yet comforting darkness.  
  
//You never really tried...//  
  
The End 


End file.
